What A Shit Day
March 30, 2019
Today I was going on day seven of being on my own with my daughter. The hubster has been in France this week and honestly the thought of him eating fancy french food and being able to talk to other adults makes me want to punch him right in the neck. Anyhow, I didn’t choose the “traveling spouse” life, the “traveling spouse” life chose me (major eye-roll). Even though he’s been gone for what seems like forever he is due to arrive this evening. My kid and I have had a very rough week and I’m doing everything that I can to just make it through the day.
I woke her up from her peaceful slumber and the first words out of her mouth are, “Is Daddy coming home today?” We make our way downstairs and I’m trying to figure out what to do for breakfast. I start to make some eggs and she says, “I don’t want your eggs! I’m going to wait for Daddy to come home and make GOOD eggs.”
First of all, she’s lucky I can’t drop kick her ass because I can cook some damn GOOD eggs. My facial expression did not stop her from pushing every button I have for the remainder of the morning. For the next hour and a half commenced a complete fuckery of arguments in which I began to question my very own will to live.
Mom – “You have to eat now stinky, Daddy won’t be home until after dinner.”
Toddler – “No, I want to wait for Daddy.”
Mom – “He’s not going to be home until later, you’re going to get hungry.”
Toddler – “I don’t want your eggs, I want GOOD eggs.”
Mom – “Daddy isn’t here to make GOOD eggs, you need to eat something.”
Toddler – “No, thanks!”
Mom – “Please don’t make me yell, he isn’t going to be home until after nap time and dinner.”
Toddler – “Today? Is he not coming home today?” (begins to cry)
So, that went on for far too long and I finally just put on some TV, ate my damn good eggs and let her starve. She watched TV, played with her toys, colored, etc. It was quite peaceful for a little while. However, It was a beautiful day out and I tried to entice her to go outside or go to the park. She was dead set on waiting for Daddy. She didn’t want to do anything until he got home. I let that go until about lunch time and finally got stir crazy.
I finally got her to get moving with a bribe. Yes, I bribe my child almost every day so leave your judgements for Judy. I said, “Hey, why don’t we go get a milkshake and then go visit Abuela!” I knew that a treat and playtime with Abuela would do the trick! So we headed out the door and towards the milkshake place. We went through the drive thru and barely made it out of the parking lot and she says, “MOM, you spilled my milkshake!” Okay, Mom is driving, she is NOT holding your milkshake. How the hell did I spill her milkshake? I glance back while driving and she has milkshake all over her carseat, running down my leather seats and soaking into the floors. I’m on the highway and can’t safely stop anywhere. I start to throw back napkins and wet wipes at her and tell her she’ll have to wait until we get to Abuela’s to get out of the sticky mess.
We get to Abuela’s and thankfully she is quickly taken out of the carseat and is running around the front yard with Abuela. I begin the annoying and frustrating task of cleaning up strawberry milkshake from every crevice of her carseat and my car. For whatever reason I can’t get her carseat unstrapped from my seats. All the “easy” buttons and maneuvers are not working and I’m getting super annoyed while I watch the strawberry milkshake seep into my seats. Abuela even gives it a try and we both aren’t having any luck getting this carseat out. Now, mind you I have taken her carseat in and out of my car into other cars a million times with no problem. Today, of all days it isn’t working. Somehow, after about fifteen minutes of trying every button and latch and breaking into a full on sweat I get it. Yay, first win of the day. I start to wipe my seats, the floors and then start cleaning out the fabric and lining of her carseat. I take the opportunity to wipe up all the snack shrapnel from all the crevices of the seat and I’m just looking forward to putting this thing back in the car and getting comfortable on Abuela’s couch. Just as I’m almost finished getting everything cleaned up, still bent over in my moms driveway I feel a quick splat on my neck. I let out the beginnings of a confused “What the fu…” as I reach my hand to my neck. As I pull my hand down to observe what has struck me from the skies I quickly realize that I have been SHIT ON BY A BIRD! A bird SHIT on my neck while I was already pretty frustrated, overwhelmed and sweating like the fattest kid that ever fatted. Listen folks, I was literally on the edge of a breakdown before I even woke up this morning. This week with my toddler was complete chaos and I was already feeling like a complete failure at life. Then I literally get shit on. Shit was on my neck people! Shit!
After getting cleaned up and finally getting the carseat back into its place I’m finally inside and my toddler and Abuela come through the front door after talking with a neighbor. Still in shock, I snap at my mom and tell her what happened. I grab my iced coffee and sit down and I’m trying everything in my power not to completely lose my shit while my toddler is already running around like a complete lunatic. My mom is trying to amuse my minion while asking me how things are going and I just started crying. You know that feeling when you are upset and you’re doing great at holding it together until someone actually asks you whats wrong.
Well, I couldn’t hold it in any longer and thankfully it wasn’t a full on sob, it was just tears and a bit of shakiness in my voice. My toddler never even skipped a beat, she just kept running around. I didn’t even know where to begin to tell my mom what the problem was. Literally everything was wrong. From parenting alone a lot lately while my husband travels, dealing with a psychotic toddler, trying to maintain a livable household, feeling incredibly insecure about my abilities to do anything right, issues with my healthy, weight, etc. The list is so long and so heavy and I just didn’t know how to tell her, “Oh hey by the way Mom, your kid is sucking at life so hard and she can’t keep her shit together anymore. She barely bathes, is having trouble sleeping, is always exhausted and can’t get her kid, her weight or her emotions under control.”
Of course, I say none of those things, all I say is that she (my toddler) is literally putting me through the ringer. That I’ve tried every type of parenting style I can think of and she is still the most defiant three year old I’ve ever encountered. Besides being with a crazy kid 24/7, momming alone, and failing miserably in regards to my mental, emotional and physical health I just got shit on by a bird! You haven’t forgotten the shit on my neck part folks have you?! Oy! So, we make some small talk about my kid, my overall lack of attempting to look like a clean and put together human being lately and that was it. I stayed there until the hubsters plane was almost grounded and I went home, showered and waited patiently for my husband to walk through the door.
All I can say is that I’m fully aware that things can always be worse. I have an awesome husband, my kid is so stinkin’ smart and fearless that it boggles my mind and I have the best family ever. I have to also say that I’m fully aware that I need to get my mental and physical health in order. I know that once I can get into a healthier state of mind weeks like this will feel lighter on my nerves and heart. I’m working on it. Slowly but surely I hope to get back to a place where I feel like I’m on top of the world, not like the world is on top of me. I mean, what are the chances that I’ll be shit on by a bird again anytime soon? One in a million? One in a thousand? Either way I should be in the clear of being shit on by a bird for the remainder of the year.
Physically exhausted, currently unkempt and emotionally unstable,
P.S By the time this blog posts I’ll be on day two of seven of momming alone while the hubsters away again. Pray for me.