Momming Alone: Milan Trip – Hand To Poop Contact
Well, the hubs was in Italy for a week. He came home late Saturday night, and I’m so glad he made it home safe and sound. Typically when he goes away for work I’m anxious and annoyed, this time I was just super jealous. Italy is on my bucket list and this is his second time going there. Staying true to the fat kid that I am, I told him to take photos of everything he ate. My stomach and taste buds wanted to live vicariously through every single one of his meals. Throughout the week he spoke casually of seafood pizza, and traditional gelato and homemade pasta. Oy! Why hasn’t someone invented teleportation yet?! Anyhow, his trip inspired me to make spaghetti and meatballs one night and the toddler and I went out to eat with our neighbors for pizza another night, but that is as far as the Italian inspiration went.
It quite honestly was a great week, considering I was momming alone. We did work, we did daycare, we visited with friends, had dinner plans and even hosted some family on Saturday. It was just us girls, and the dog of course. It was lovely. However, my momming alone weeks can’t pass by without some toddler mayhem so listen to what my little chunker did this week.
My week had been going by so smoothly, even with the ridiculous heatwave we got. I was feeling calm, organized, strong, giddy even. So midway through the week I decided I was going to go for a run before picking up my squirt from daycare. Nothing crazy, I just wanted to sweat for about thirty or forty minutes so I wouldn’t feel bad about sharing a popsicle with my daughter later that evening. It went okay, I didn’t pass out or die. Life was good. I picked up my curly headed spawn and she was in such a pleasant mood. We got home, she played nicely outside while I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs. Everything was going so smoothly. Too smoothly. I was starting to feel like I was on top of the world, and I should know by my past history with that feeling, that it is quickly followed up with chaos, embarrassment or heartbreak. Fortunately, this time it was just a little toddler mayhem.
As I was serving our plates my daughter was standing in front of the television, waiting for her din-din. Yes, we sometimes eat in front of the TV with our toddler. Anyhow, I’m walking our drinks into the living room and I see my kid standing, completely in a daze watching Moana argue with Maui, with her hand behind her back. “What are you doing stink?” She doesn’t move or take her eyes away from the TV. As I get closer I realize that her hand is not only behind her back, but it is in her pants. I think she’s got an itch, a wedgie, please let it be a damn wedgie. “What are you doing baby girl?” I reached down to pull out her arm and what emerged from her diaper was terrifying Her hand came out completely covered in poop. Poop people, freakin’ poop. Of course it wasn’t just one solid turd she was holding onto, it was mushy, creamy-like, yellowy-brown, diarrhea. The second I knew what it was, the shock threw my body straight into Mommy-Combat Mode. Poop people! She had a handful of poop!
For the next fifteen to twenty minutes there was a lot of awkward carrying positions, sweat, panic and disinfecting. I couldn’t cuss, because my kid repeats everything I say now so I kept saying, “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God,” as I carried her from one room to the other doing my best not to let her touch me herself or anything in the house. I had to be careful not to wash her poor little hand raw, I just wanted to be sure that there would be absolutely no poop-shrapnel anywhere around my house or on my child! Bleh! I mean, it took almost nineteen months for hand to poop contact, I guess I should be thankful. This was just mommyhood smacking me in the face for feeling too much confidence in one day! For people who know me and understand my relationship with germs and cleanliness are all probably laughing their butts off right now. They can picture my face full of horror as I discovered my daughters chunky, perfect little hand covered in poop! Just to be sure I dedicated several hours to disinfecting the entire first floor. She was only in a five foot radius, but you can never be too sure. Those poop particles are tricky, am I right? This happened days ago and I know as soon as I stop typing, I’m going to go and wash my hands. Just a new kind of crazy I can talk to my therapist about now. Happy Monday folks!
Sweetest pea that ever be’d,
If it weren’t for that adorable smile and your amazing hugs I couldn’t have made it through this horrific poop episode. I was trying desperately not to laugh all while carrying you awkardly into the bathroom to hose you down. I didn’t want you to think that this sort of behavior was acceptable. It is never okay to grab a handful of your poop baby girl. Not ever. However, I wish you could’ve seen your face when I caught you. It was priceless. You made Mommy break into a sweat trying to get you cleaned up, it was a hot mess. Literally. But, afterwards you ate your all your dinner like a good girl, we cuddled on the couch together and you were the sweetest pea there ever was. I don’t want to clean poop off your hands again (however, I’m sure this isn’t the last time) but I want nights like this to last forever. You are growing so fast and your little personality is blossoming every day. As of this week your favorite things are popsicles, FaceTiming with your Uncle, wearing your rain boots(even though it isn’t raining) and watching Moana. Thank you for helping Mommy get through this week baby girl.
I adore you more and more every day,
P.S We start potty training this weekend, brace yourself.