For the last coupe of weeks I’ve been a little MIA from life. I feel like I have this conversation with my close friends all the time, but I’ve failed to express myself here. Probably because I feel like I’m completely sucking at life at times. There is so much pressure on mothers today to be this super-human-wonder-woman, and to be honest I’ve been mediocre at best. I’ve been less than a mediocre wife, a mediocre friend and a mediocre employee. I can’t possibly be good or succeed at everything when I’m stretched so far thin I can barely remember the last time I shaved my legs or asked my husband how his day was. (Sorry hubby)
One of my friends always says that if you’ve got so many things going on, one of them is bound to suffer. One or many things is destined to fail and someone in your life is bound to feel neglected. The only two things that I’ve been able to truly concentrate on is being a mother and being a student, and honestly I don’t think I’ve been that great of a Mom.
Without getting into every teary-eyed, hair pulling and gut wrenching moment this semester, all I need to say is that I’ve tried to put all my energy into being a halfway decent mother and a better student than I ever was in my younger years. If I’m having to miss playtime with my kid while I’m inside studying, and listen to her giggle and play downstairs with her Daddy and puppy, while I’m stuck working on a paper or reading countless chapters, I had to at least make it count. If I’m going to miss a couple hours every weekend of seeing my daughter laugh and play and be this amazing little being I need for it to stand for something, right? So, all while missing out on girls nights with friends, being late or completely missing blog posts, and being so lost in thought that my poor husband has had to repeat himself for the third time… This once mediocre student has been able to pull off her second semester of a 4.0 grade point average. Me! The kid who struggled to keep up with all her brainy friends in school, and the woman who has never considered herself smart. Me!!
I still have a few more hurdles to get over, but with the unfailing support system that I have I just know that I’ll be able to get there. I guess I’m just going to have to continue being this mediocre mother/wife/employee/friend/adult so I can at least tell my baby girl one day why Mommy missed out on playing with her on this years first snowfall. Thankfully, Daddy took some pictures for me and always reminds me that she asks about me.
For the next few weeks I’m going to enjoy getting ready for my daughter’s SECOND birthday! And hopefully not have an emotional breakdown, Oy! I’m going to catch up on some leisurely reading, work on some super nerdalicious crafts I’ve got in the works, and cherish every second I get to spend with my family this holiday season. Maybe the hubby and I will get another date night too, we’ll see.
Three more classes until this chick is a graduate.
Until next week folks (I hope),
Hers, His, and Yours,