Girls Night Out In Mom Jeans

Well, let me paint you a little picture in which the definition of “new mom struggles” is clearly portrayed:

Imagine a curvy, thickish woman standing in her room, feeling bloated and defeated. She’s out of breath, frazzled and can’t find anything to wear in a closet completely filled with clothes she can barely close it. Her hair is wet from a shower and a bit of sweat is starting to trickle down her wobbly bits. She’s wearing the “sexiest” black mom bra she could find with nursing capabilities, a pair of jeans pulled up, but unzipped, revealing her black stretched out Victoria Secret undies. The “cute” ones that she’s been holding on to, not because they look great on her but because it reminds her of a time when she still owned her body, her confidence, and her skin wasn’t so… stretchy. She’s standing in front of a mirror, holding back tears as a million thoughts are running through her clustered, new mommy brain.

I’ve got 15 more minutes to get ready.

I still have to touch up my hair.

Oh crap, I need to pump before I leave.

I hope the baby will be okay tonight without me.

Maybe I shouldn’t go out… I feel like a cow.

I can’t even fold or tuck any of my parts into these pants right now…

What the hell, they fit like three days ago! 

Melvi, get it together!

With little to no time left to get ready for her first girls night out in what seemed like decades, she mentally and literally “put her big girl panties” on and did what needed to be done. She walked into her guest room that housed a dresser full of summer clothes, extra towels and blankets for guests, and the dreaded pair of pants she so desperately needed right now. She took one look at her “fancy” pair of Jessica Simpson maternity jeans and said “Screw it!” to herself and hurried back to her room to finish getting ready. She pulled on the pants that came up past her boobs, now that she’s not carrying a 9 lb. baby and quickly decided she would just tuck the top of the pants into the bottom of her bra in hopes they would stay up; real sexy and classy like. She threw on some cute flats, and spruced up her hair, and even took the time to pump some breastmilk for about 6 minutes before throwing on a flowy, but girls night appropriate shirt. Exhausted and a little embarrassed, she took the final steps towards the object she avoided like the plague these days; the full length mirror. She took one look at herself and felt shocked and relieved.

It was still her. The woman who loved vintage styled clothes and a pair of killer shoes. The woman who loved getting dolled up for a night out with her friends. The woman obsessed with clothes who very carefully and thoughtfully planned out her outfits days in advance and tried to never repeat an outfit. It was still her…She somehow by the grace of the Postpartum Gods threw together a cute little outfit that she felt, I dare say, beautiful in. Maternity pants, nursing bra and all, she found a little piece of her old self in that mirror. She was still in there…

From the moment she got pregnant, to going through labor, to being a mother for the last eleven months a million and one things have changed about her body and her life. There are very few and rare moments when she feels like an actual woman and not an exhausted human pacifier. Your family, friends, books and the internet can only prepare you so much for the journey of pregnancy and motherhood. However, no one can truly explain to you how you’ll feel once your life and body parts have been turned upside down by a tiny little being. You are more so prepared for all the tasks that need to be done or completed, but not prepared to manage through the thoughts and feelings you’ll have about who you are now. Your pride and ego take a bit of a beating when you feel like you don’t look the same or can’t even recognize your body anymore. It is a lot to manage, and trying to maintain a decent amount of your “crazy mom” emotions in check can be hard. You are more concerned with all your little bundles needs and forget about your own. Constantly thinking about feedings, diaper changes, work or housework, pumping and staying on a schedule or routine for the baby. You forget about fitting in your husband, your friends, yourself… Every day you think of yourself more and more as a caregiver, and less and less as a woman. It is difficult, but finding a healthy balance between the responsibilities of being a Mother and being a woman are necessary.

That crazy girl in her mom pants went out that night and had a wonderful time with her girlfriend. She drank a tasty fall flavored beer, shared some stories, laughs and pub style fries and it felt amazing. For a brief moment she forgot about her insecurities and just felt like a woman out with a friend. You know what didn’t happen? Not one single person in that entire bar noticed she was having a “fat” day and had on maternity pants. If they had, no one said anything. As the night came to an end and the tabs were being closed she realized that she had gotten everything that she needed that night. A few hours to remember that she was more than just a Mom. She was still a friend, she was still a fun date, and she still had thoughts and feelings to share that didn’t involve breast pumps and nursing bras. She got to catch up with a friend, have a drink and feel like her own woman, but she also could not wait to get home. She had had her few hours of freedom and what she wanted now more than anything was to be with her family. Walk through the door and be greeted by a slobbery 75 lb. dog, get a hug from her husband, and give her little girl a kiss on the forehead goodnight, because tomorrow morning she was back on Mommy duty, and that was perfectly okay.